I almost didn't vote on this Super day

So I voted this morning in New York City. Whoo-hoo! It was my first time voting and I rose bright and early to beat the rush. Actually, when I got to my polling place, I saw that there wasn't actually that much of a crowd at all. (Thank you, 8:30 am.) I was nervous about two main things, the first being that I wouldn't have brought the right kind of identification. I don't have a New York state driver's license, so I brought the only one I have. Thankfully, it was sufficient. The second thing I was worried about was that somehow, I would vote for the wrong person on accident. Thankfully, that didn't happen either, but the ancient-looking metal contraptions that process the most important information in the country failed to make voting an easy task. I mean, TAKE A LOOK AT THAT THING. Just look at it!!

I nervously alerted the tiny old lady poll worker next to the machine that I was a first-time voter, and totally clueless about how to even work the damn thing. She said, "Oh, you'll be fine. Just move the red lever [she pronounced it lee-ver] to the right, make your selection, and move it back to the left."

It sounded easy enough.

I stepped through the black curtains and surveyed the dozens of names in Courier font that scattered the face of this prehistoric machine. Joe Biden and Bill Richardson were still on there, which surprised me. I thought that when you withdrew, you withdrew. I guess they must still get some votes.

I spotted my girl's name in the upper left-hand corner and with a sudden rush of adrenaline at the idea of casting my first vote for the first woman president, I seized the red lever and yanked it to the right. Then I reached up and twisted the little knob next to her name. I stepped back to double-check that I hadn't accidentally bumped the knob next to Mitt Romney's name or anything, and then took a deep breath as I grabbed the red lever again and yanked it to the right, ready to make my voice known!

Nothing happened.

I yanked harder. Still nothing. I pulled with all of my might. Still nothing.

Shamefully, I peeked my head out of the black curtain and said, "Um, I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem to be moving."

The lady said, "Jiggle it."

I took my head back and grabbed the lee-ver, shaking it wildly. The big metal machine creaked, but the lever refused to budge. Again I thrust it back and forth, pulling it toward me and pushing it away madly, trying to get some movement out of it. With a grimace, I peeked out again, ashamedly admitting defeat to the lee-ver. I wanted to make my voice known all on my own, but I had no choice but to ask the little old lady for help.

I could tell that she didn't want to come in the booth---voter privacy?---but it was obvious that I was going to be on my own forever if I didn't get some assistance. So she bent her head and plowed through the black curtains. I watched her grab ahold of the red lever and whip it back and forth, to and fro---and suddenly, like magic, and like a vending machine, the lever shifted back to the left side and I heard the clunk of the dinosaur machine resetting itself for the next voter.

I had voted!...with the help of a tiny, 60-year-old woman. I thanked her and we exited the booth together.

I have absolutely NO inclination as to how the polls will turn out tonight, but I am pretty pumped for the horse-race coverage. It will be like the Superbowl, only with less padding and more balls.

Badumssscch.

Happy voting day, everyone!

Picture credit: VA Historical